Hula Hooping, Intimacy and our Life Cycle

I don’t know how to hula hoop. 

It’s a new and stimulating passion for me.Hooping has reinvigorated my discovery process, my learning process, my play with the unknown.

When I was younger I was a dancer, a swimmer; I did a couple of triathlons, biked, roller-bladed, canoed on long camping trips, etc.. After becoming a mom and experiencing major body changes not to mention massive shifts in responsibility and sleep, I revisited many of these sports. Inevitably, they felt different. Some of them good for different periods of time, but always different from my core memories of when I would do them way back when. Now, in my forties, I have learned that indeed, my once feeling immortal self, is actual mortal. Some of these beloved sports are just not good for me anymore.

What does this tell me about what I desire? Do I enjoy and have the time to train for a triathlon right now? How does the high impact dancing I used to do feel for me now–both in the moment and the next day? 
You know what it’s like to have a crunched amount of time to reconnect with your body.

Should we expect to feel stimulated in the same way as we did 5 years ago? What about 10 years ago? 20?
This is analogous to how intimacy changes throughout our life span. What felt intimate to us 5, 10, 20 years ago is not necessarily the same as what feels intimate now. Our experience of being touched and touching in the here and now is different as we move through time. Our bodies change. Our brains change. Our relationships change. Our partners bodies and brains change too! Some turn-ons are similar, some are completely different.

There is no “getting back”–we actually move forward.  We, in our 30’s and 40’s and beyond haven’t lost our capacity for intimacy…we just can’t expect it to look or feel the same. I encourage you to learn your body and mind today, now, in the present. Invite yourself to move towards your partner in that present self, rather than what used to be. 
Soooo—Hula Hooping!!!! Guess what I have learned…It’s low impact (which I need for my body at this point). It’s aerobic and core building. And most important of all, it’s new and exciting to me. I am not good at it. Part of what I love is all the unknown that comes with me exploring it. I am re-learning how to learn with it. How to feel compassionate with myself every 5-10 seconds when the hoop falls to the ground again. This is serving me.
My memories of completing the triathlons (for instance) are wonderful memories)…but I am experiencing something today that also makes me feel alive!
This too can happen when we make time and space to feel our intimate selves on our own, with our partners and in relationship with other parents.
I wonder…What brings you joy? 

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