What is sex therapy and how does it work?

Sex Therapy

Are you experiencing not feeling as close as you would like to significant others either emotionally, physically or both? Whether this is a long term issue, or you have just experienced a change in your lives that has triggered a disconnect, I support my clients in developing safety to bravely work on communication exploring desire, giving one another feedback and opening up regarding emotional and sexual fulfillment. Aside from sex being able to feel pleasurable  (which is what I hope it is for you), being emotionally connected and sexually fulfilled can really help the entire family system. If you are having a hard time sexually and/or emotionally, come in and we will work together to figure out how you and your partner(s) can explore building safety and excitement in your loving relationship.

It is important to note that Sex Therapy does not include any sexual acts in session.

Sex Therapy and my groups!—When most of my individuals and/or relationship clients come in, there is a level of shame they bring with them which (as Sonya Renee Taylor says) they weren’t born with, but inherited. The antidote to shame is not holding on to it like it’s yours, but to open up about it and see how society is impacting all of us to believe shameful things about sexuality. Within my groups, members practice and play with how to share their sexuality-related issues and generally experience a reduction in shame through this de-isolating and normalizing therapeutic modality. Check out my Feminist Sexuality Support Group for more information.

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Couples Therapy: 

You may be wondering what couples therapy will be like, what will be expected of you and what I offer in the process. Every couple's process in therapy is unique, yet, here are some general answers that may help give you a better sense of what to expect.

Many couples come in to see me because they are having a hard time communicating with one another or wanting to develop a particular area of their relationship. Often there is a particular dynamic that takes place and it doesn't feel good to either partner. In these cases, it might be like engaging in a familiar "dance", when you really wish you were dancing to an entirely different genre of music. I will work with you to figure out how to change the dynamic.

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Deciding What To Talk About

One thing that will be important is feeling safe and willing or ready to address particular issues. So, being honest about what you are up for and what you aren't ready to talk about is important. The pace of our work will be determined by what you are ready for. Sometimes, you may be willing to explore a particular topic, but you don't quite know how to put words to your feelings. That is normal when exploring new territory. I can help support you in building your skills for talking about subjects that might be more challenging for you.

Pacing

It is not unusual to have one partner really ready to talk about a particular issue while the other is not quite ready. This is a pacing issue. It's important to work together to come up with what is best for you both, as a team...rather than "pushing through" to prove yourself to one another. Intimacy happens when we feel safe and comfortable. Working somatically, means we will check in with how your body is feeling. Your body will help give you cues about what pacing makes the most sense for you. The more we respect our bodies, the more we learn to respect our partner’s bodies. I’ll encourage you to communicate when you are feeling safe and comfortable and also when you are not. A large goal is for us to make the space comfortable and safe for you each to speak your own truths and to be able to listen and hear one other.

Listening

Ahh---it can be so hard to listen when one is triggered! And, the desire to be heard, understood and cared for can be soooo immense, especially when your partner doesn't feel the same way. That can be so loving! There is a particular model for communicating in couple's therapy that I teach clients when a tool is desired or seems helpful. Imago therapy, developed by Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD and Harville Hendrix, PhD, is a great tool that I teach couples to use. It enhances one's ability to listen, validate and empathize with their partners. This can really help take away from cycles of blaming or avoiding one another. It can also help when each partner feels isolated in their own corner, like a boxing ring. It doesn't have to be this way. One of the great things about Imago is, once you practice it enough in therapy, you can actually do it on your own as a couple, when having a difficult time.